Sex tips and exercises / Sex tips, techniques, and exercises for women and all vulva & vagina owners:

You can train your pelvic floor on the side no matter where you are. You learn to play with your muscles. So you can increase your arousal, your vagina gets wetter and you feel more.

What is the pelvic floor?

Your pelvic floor consists of an intricate network of many muscles and connective tissue. They surround the rectum and anus, the vagina and the urethra. Put simply, you can think of the pelvic floor as a sort of a hammock. This hammock surrounds and supports the organs. You can press the front of your mound of Venus below your belly. You'll find a bone there. This is the pubic bone. And in the rear you can feel the coccyx. The pelvic floor is like a hammock between them. It is the closure of the pelvic outlet. So these muscles are quite strong. Imagine: They have to prevent your inner organs from falling out.

Is my pelvic floor too weak?

Your pelvic floor muscles are probably not too weak. That's rarely the case, for example after giving birth. There the aim of pelvic floor training is often to build up the muscles. But with most women this is not necessary. So the pelvic floor is usually strong enough. The goal is that it is also elastic. like an elastic band that you can easily stretch and loosen again.

Why do I need pelvic floor training?

Many women have a tendency to tense the pelvic floor muscles most of the time. Let's say you're one of these women. Let's say you want to tense them even more. You won't feel much of a difference. Why? Imagine measuring the muscle tension on a scale from 0 to 10. Let's say you always have a muscle tension of 8. Then you tense your muscles more and you reach a muscle tension of 10. The difference is not as big as if you started at 0. This means that there is not much leeway between tension and relaxation. So pelvic floor training is about making the perceived range bigger between "my pelvic floor is completely tense" and "my pelvic floor is completely relaxed".

What is important when I start to practice?

Many women do not feel how tense their pelvic floor is, because the tension feels normal to them. They don't know how "really relaxed" feels. So when you practice, the first step is to learn to feel the tension better. It is important that you take your time. Do the exercises very slowly at first. This way you will perceive a lot more.

What role do the pelvic floor muscles play in sex?

• Pelvic floor muscles are involved in sexual arousal. Muscle tension is arousing.
• By playing with your pelvic floor muscles, you can increase your sexual arousal: If you activate your muscles, you stimulate the blood circulation. And if the blood circulation is better, you feel more.
• Playing with the pelvic floor muscles means alternately tensing and relaxing. This helps you to feel more during sex and to make your vagina more moist. You can read more about why movement is so good in our text "Why should women move during sex?"
• The greater the margin between tension and relaxation, the more active your pelvic floor becomes. And the better the muscles can grip and release something, for example a penis.

What to do if the muscles are too tense during sex?

If your pelvic floor muscles are very tense, this can lead to problems during sex. Sex might become painful. If your pelvic floor muscles are very, very tense, vaginal intercourse might not even be possible. This is called vaginismus. Also, constant muscular tension can prevent the vagina from getting really moist during sex. Please read more about the effects of high muscular tension on sex.

How do I learn to feel the pelvic floor muscles?

Try to tense the pelvic floor muscles slowly. It's like holding back the stream of urine. But be careful: The picture with the urine stream is only meant to give you a better idea of how it feels. You should not do this exercise when you pee, since it is not good for the bladder. Suppose you tense the muscles of the pelvic floor. Then see if you can tense them more. And then a little less. Make sure you do it without tensing your buttocks and legs. Tense the pelvic floor muscles really hard for about 3 seconds. Then slowly relax them again. Repeat the exercise several times and take your time. It is important that you do this slowly, because this will enable you to perceive more.

How do I learn to relax?

Do you have the feeling that you always have a rather high tension in your pelvic floor? In this case you can also get into the habit of tensing the pelvic floor muscles several times a day for 3 seconds – and then slowly relaxing them. After the high tension, relaxation is deeper. This is like progressive muscle relaxation, if you have ever heard of it. By doing this little exercise, you can achieve relaxation in the pelvic floor again and again during the day.

How do I ride an elevator with my vagina?

Imagine you have an elevator in your vagina. You control the elevator with your pelvic floor muscles. Tense your pelvic floor muscles a bit. Imagine the elevator is slowly going up a floor. Now stop the elevator and let people out. Now slowly tense up a bit more – the elevator goes up another floor. Let people out again. And now take the elevator to the top floor. Let the last people out and go down one floor. Stop and let people get out. Go down one floor, let people out. Go down another floor, let people out. Finally, go down to the basement, let people out there - and then  go back up to the ground floor. Try riding an elevator like this several times in a row, several times a day. At home, in the office, on the train, at school - everywhere. You can also do it sitting or lying down. When you lie down, bend your legs.

How do I learn to distinguish muscles?

Do you manage to tense your right buttock and then your left? And then to relax the right cheek first and then the left? Then tense the sphincter muscle of the anus. And then tense the pelvic floor muscles a bit more to the front. Now relax the sphincter. Can you do that while keeping the pelvic floor muscles further to the front tensed up? And vice versa? The muscles of the pelvis are intricately intertwined. You'll never quite be able to activate them independently. But if you play with them regularly like this, you'll perceive them better and better. You can do it, for example, during boring school hours.

How do I explore the vaginal muscles with my finger?

Lie down in your bed or in another comfortable place. Get undressed and wet your fingers, for example with some almond oil. Tense and relax the pelvic floor muscles interdependently, while you insert one or two fingers into your vagina. Can your finger feel the muscles in the vagina tense and relax? Can you use the vagina to "grasp" the fingers and "release" them again? This takes practice. Pay attention to what you feel. Don't expect to experience it as particularly pleasant or even sexually arousing right away. This is also a matter of practice. You'll find out more about this in our tips on perceiving more inside the vagina.

Why is abdominal breathing helpful?

Inhaling and exhaling deeply with your stomach is also very helpful. When you exhale, the muscles in the abdomen and pelvis contract naturally. This is how they let the air out. Try to exhale while tensing the muscles of the pelvic floor. Put your hand on your stomach while you do this. When you inhale, the muscles relax, letting the air flow in. We very much recommend that you also follow these tips on abdominal breathing.

How can I use my pelvic floor muscles during sex?

Anything you practice on your own, you can also try out during sex. You can tense and relax, use the elevator with your vagina and involve the pelvic floor muscles in breathing. When your partner has his finger in your vagina - take turns gripping and releasing. And if your partner's penis or strap-on is inside your vagina, take turns gripping and releasing. Try doing it rhythmically. Does your partner feel you playing with your pelvic floor muscles? We also recommend you don't lie still, but rather that it moves actively. You can find out more about this in our exercise tips for active sex and the pelvic swing. We also highly recommend these exercises.

What is pelvic floor biofeedback?

Maybe you realize that you don't really get anywhere practicing alone. Maybe you don't really perceive these muscles, or you don't perceive the difference between tense or relaxed, or you seem to just always be tense. Then you might consider seeing a physiotherapist who specializes in pelvic floor rehabilitation. Some offer pelvic floor feedback. A sensor inside your vagina measures the muscular tension. It is displayed on a screen as a curve. The curve rises with the tension. This helps you see and perceive changes in tension. There are also devices and apps that you can buy for use at home. To do this, type "pelvic floor biofeedback" into Google. These devices are quite expensive, though.