If you find it hard to pick the right moment or you don’t know what to talk about, it’s worth reading these tips.
When is the right time?
When is the right moment to approach someone you like? If you’re sure you’ll see them again (because you go to the same school, visit the same club every Friday, and so on), you can take your time. But if you’re already completely taken the first time you see them and have no idea if you’ll ever see them again, then you might not want to wait too long.
Take your time to flirt
If you give yourself a bit of time before speaking to them, you could start flirting first. Flirting is a kind of game you can play without words. If the person responds to your flirting and plays along, they’ll probably start to feel like they want you to talk to them.
Don’t wait too long
Of course, waiting too long isn’t good either. If you start to feel bad because you don’t dare to talk to someone, it’s best to end that feeling quickly. You could wait for them to talk to you, but maybe they’re just as shy as you are – and then no one talks, which would be a pity. If it’s really hard for you to take that step, try doing something that helps you like yourself more and boosts your confidence. Then take a brave step toward them – what do you have to lose?
Picture the conversation in your head
It helps to imagine what you want to say before you talk to them – what questions you could ask and what you might answer if they ask you something. It’s especially helpful to do this before falling asleep. The things we think about right before sleep tend to stick better in our memory.
How to start a conversation
You could greet them with something like “Hi, my name is…” or “I see you here a lot.” It really doesn’t matter that much what you say. If someone wants to get to know you, they’ll help keep the conversation going. You can also look around and make a comment about something happening nearby. That’s an easy way to start a light chat and break the ice.
If you can’t speak because of a disability or if you use sign language, you can still start a conversation. You could write a note or type something on your phone to explain that you use another way to communicate but would like to talk.
Don’t be too direct
If you feel attracted to someone or even in love, it’s usually not a good idea to be too direct and surprise them with “I’d like to have sex with you” or “I love you.” They might need more time to feel interested in you and to start imagining what it would be like with you. It’s better to take it slow and get to know them first.
Be interested
When you talk to someone, they should feel that you’re genuinely interested in them. If you just talk about yourself, they won’t get that feeling. But they probably also won’t like it if you only ask questions and don’t share anything about yourself. The best balance is to tell a bit about yourself and then ask about them. For example: “I like coming here in the evenings because it helps me unwind. I’m usually pretty stressed during the day. How about you?”
Be open
It usually works well if you’re honest about yourself instead of making up stories just to sound interesting. People with strengths and weaknesses are more likable than those who brag or pretend to be perfect. The people you want to attract have weaknesses too. If you’re honest, it shows courage, and that makes it easier for others to open up to you as well.
Handle silence
Sometimes you just run out of things to say. Don’t panic or force something random, instead let the silence be. Focus on your breathing, it helps calm you down. Open your eyes and ears to what’s happening around you. Maybe you’ll notice something to talk about. You can even mention the silence: “Sometimes I just go blank and don’t know what to say. Tonight when I’m in bed, I’ll probably think of what I really wanted to tell you.” That kind of honesty can easily break the ice again.
Be clear
When it’s time to tell them how you feel, try to be direct instead of vague. “Can I kiss you?” or “Do you want to be my girlfriend/boyfriend?” is clearer than “Should we give this a try?” or “What do you think about us?” The clearer you express what you think and want, the fewer misunderstandings there will be.
Practice, practice, practice
The more you practice talking to different people you like, the more you’ll find your own style. What feels like a huge challenge at first will become easier with experience. It's also important to realize that rejection is a possibility. It happens to everyone. Even the best flirts get turned down sometimes. Don’t let that discourage you and move on and find someone else you like.
