Question No. 40415 from 18.11.2025
I'm male, 27. I've not had a lot of experience with women. I keep telling myself it's because "the right one" hasn't met me yet. But i might be lying to myself. Of the few times i've had intercourse, it didnt work. I always lost it. I attribute it to using condoms. But what freaks me out is that i felt totally lost, i mean my penis did. Didnt feel anything. This is actually scary.
So, bottom line, im scared of intercourse. But i want to not be scared. I want to be able to enjoy it. Can you help me?
By the way. I masturbate. A lot, actually. It always works. So what's wrong?
Our Answer
I can only assume, but I believe the issue is that, when masturbating, you stimulate your penis in a completely different way than during vaginal intercourse. This means you have learned a technique for arousal that is not suitable for sexual intercourse. There may be much more pressure and/or friction than a vagina can ever provide. This is typically the cause for lack of sensation inside the vagina. Add a condom to the mix, and your penis and brain are totally lost.
The good news is: All is well with you and your penis. You just need to learn a sexual "language" that translates better to vaginal intercourse. Please read our text about sexual learning. We learn through repetition, and repetition means practice. I recommend these practice tips for vaginal intercourse. You'll see in these tips that including a condom in practice is also crucial, to train your penis to feel more when you use one.
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Question No. 40413 from 18.11.2025
I lack desire for sex with my partner. He's very unhappy with this. The more so because he knows I masturbate. I just like it more. He can't stimulate my clit like I can. He just wants intercourse - and I don't really care for that. I love my boyfriend, though, and we are planning to move in together. Obviously, the situation will get more difficult then. So here's my question: What can I do to enjoy intercourse more?
Our Answer
Good sex doesn't just happen. Every sexual act has to be learned. It takes practice until you can become sexually aroused during vaginal intercourse and until it is truly enjoyable. You've learned to stimulate your clitoris during masturbation. You probably don't stimulate your vagina much during masturbation. The nerve receptors in your vagina are "slumbering", so to speak. Please read our text about sexual learning to understand this better.
If you want to enjoy vaginal intercourse more, it's definitely worth practicing feeling more in your vagina. Please look at these practice tips.
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Question No. 40412 from 18.11.2025
Hello - I think I am lesbian. How can I have sex with another girl? I'm 23
Our Answer
Use your creativity and imagination and discover together with your sex partner what you both like and enjoy. Petting is common among women who have sex with women. Petting allows you to explore each other's bodies. Talk about where you particularly like to be touched, massaged, tickled, or handled more firmly. Also tell each other where your taboo zones are.
Some women love having their breasts kneaded, while others prefer gentle touches. Sometimes touching the breasts is completely undesirable. Talk to each other about whether, when, and how your breasts and nipples can play a role in your sexuality.
Many women like to be touched and caressed on the vulva. Some women like it when one or more fingers move inside the vagina. Talk about whether you prefer stimulation of the vulva or vagina, or whether you like both.
The whole body, breasts, vulva, and vagina can be caressed, explored, and touched with fingers, hands, lips, tongue, teeth, feet, your own breasts, and your own genitals. Perhaps you and your partner would also like to use massage oil, sex toys, feathers, or other things that you find sexually arousing.
The glans of the clitoris is the externally visible part of your clitoris. It can be an important area for triggering and increasing sexual arousal. Some people like gentle touches on the clitoris, while others prefer more vigorous ones. Some prefer slow movements, others fast ones, and many love the interplay between the two.
Include the outer and inner labia in the stimulation, as the erectile tissue of the clitoris is located underneath them. You can lick and suck on the labia. You can stroke them in circles with your hands and massage them.
You can lie on top of each other in the missionary position and feel vulva to vulva by rocking your pelvis. Or you can rub your partner's mons pubis, vulva, and clitoris against your thigh while you kiss.
It is called scissoring when you rub your vulvas and clitoris together in a scissor-like position facing each other.
While your sexual partner lies on her back, you can sit on her mons pubis and clitoris in the cowgirl position with the entrance to your vagina. This allows you both to determine how much pressure you want on your genitals with pelvic movements.
As you can see, you can have sex with other women in different “positions,” with different touches and movements. The better you know yourself in your solo sexuality, the better you can tell and show your partner what makes sex enjoyable for you. In all sexual practices, it helps to move your body and pelvis and to breathe deeply. This is conducive to enjoying pleasurable sex.
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Question No. 40397 from 16.11.2025
What do u think about the beautiful cervix project (beautifulcervix.com)
Our Answer
The cervix is the lowest part of the uterus and the connection to the vagina. The goal of this project is to befriend a part of the body that is invisible by showing photos. And to foster curiosity about the different states the cervix can be in throughout the cycle and throughout life time.
The project can help people who are interested in discovering this part of their body.
So go have a look if you fancy.
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Question No. 40379 from 11.11.2025
I'm 28 (male). I can last for about 5 minutes to porn and when I get a blow job. During intercourse, however, I only last a few seconds. I have tried your masturbation techniques. They're great, but don't help with the problem during penetration. What am I doing wrong?
Our Answer
I'd like you to ask yourself the following questions:
- How emotionally charged am I during penetration? Am I in a state of calm, or highly emotionally aroused/stressed out?
- What's more important to me during penetration with a partner: my sexual arousal and satisfaction, or emotional aspects such as love or being close to my partner?
- What's more important: my genital needs or intimacy and attachment to my partner?
- What's more important: my needs or satisfying my partner's needs? Am I willing to put my needs first?
- How much am I investing in my own genital foundation? How much time am I willing to invest? Am I willing to invest three times 20 minutes a week?
This is why I'm asking these questions: It's quite frequent that men who come very rapidly are very emotionally charged/stressed during penetration and quite tense due to this emotional charge. It's also typical that there's more investment in the emotional level than in the genital level, and more investment in pleasing the other person than focusing on one's own needs. If this is true with you, it is crucial that you put yourself first and invest time in yourself, following these tips:
- Work on perceiving and modulating your arousal, as we describe in these practice tips.
- Work on regulating your emotions better. Self-awareness, mindfulness exercises are great for this, espcially when they include training better body perception. Please also look at our breathing tips and familiarize yourself with our text on muscular tension.
- Be aware that focusing on your partner is not doing your partner service. It might just be that you're using your partner to co-regulate yourself and your own emotions. You become dependant on whatever your partner does, and how they react to you. The goal is to become independent, more autonomous, in a relationship. If you like reading, you might be interested in the book "Intimacy and Desire" by David Schnarch.
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Question No. 40378 from 11.11.2025
I have premature ejaculation during intercourse. I am close to ejacualtion within 10-20 seconds of penetration.
I've tried many things. The start-stop technique doesn't work to a satisfying extent.
By the way: Oral sex is no problem. I can also last much longer with my fleshlight.
Any tips?
Our Answer
Did the premature ejaculation occur in all relationships? When you use your fleshlight, are you jerking yourself off or penetrating the hole? What are you imagining? In other words, do you actually practice doing what you want to do the way you want to do it? More simply put, if you practice jerking off rather than penetrating your hand or the fleshlight, being in a situation that demands penetration will cause you anxiety – and that messes up your mojo.
A blow job is essentially jerking off, as well. All the work is done for you. You receive the pleasure – blow job, jerking off, fleshlight – all passive pleasure (if you are not doing any penetrating).
If you learn how to withhold your ejaculation using the start and stop technique, that's why you last only a short time after you start up again. As soon as you start, you go at full speed. However, this is about learning to pace yourself. Please read our text on premature ejaculation. I would recommend that you don't use the stop start technique, rather, shift your concentration to your deep belly breathing and rhythmic pelvic movements instead of trying to hold back the orgasm. This is not something to just try; it's something to do for the rest of your life.
Optimal sexual performance depends on a combination of factors, not just breathing or clenching or whatever. It involves combining breathing with smooth, fluid, rhythmic bodily movements. Practice doing what you want to be doing – penetrating with intent and control. Simulate the situation in your hand with something slippery. Vary the pace and intensity of your stroking. I recommend these practice tips for you.
And, practice means practice. It doesn't mean you halfheartedly try it two or three times. It's something that you do over and over and over again. Even when you've got it right, you continue to practice so that you get better and better and better. Because… This is where it all comes together. Premature ejaculation often stems from anxiety. Anxiety stems from the unknown. The more familiar you become with something, especially your own body, the less anxiety you will experience when you are sharing it with somebody else's body.
We talk about practicing in other texts on Lilli, but I will repeat an important point here. We need to practice any activity that we do with other people, alone – first, before we start engaging with other people. Otherwise, the anxiety of unknown and new situations is bound to lead to temporary failure. You practice your soccer skills alone, and with the team. You practice your guitar alone, and with the band. Sex is multi-person activity, the success of which is highly dependent on individual skills and the ability to combine them with other people's individual skills. So, practice alone and with your partner.
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Question No. 40377 from 11.11.2025
Does my wife need to pay specific attention to my penis during foreplay in order for me to have a longer lasting erection? If so, how can she do this?
Our Answer
The very brief answer to this question is: No, it has little to do with your partner.
The longer version is as follows: A "however long you want it to last" erection (as opposed to simply a "long lasting" erection) is achieved by finding your own personal mix of comfort with your own self in the world, self-perception of your body, self-knowledge, your sexual experiences and sexual knowledge, how well and easily you can talk sex, the things you have been consuming prior to having sex, what condition your body is in, what you are thinking about prior to and during sex, and what you do with your mind and body while engaged in sexual activity – e.g. how you breathe and move your body.
What I am talking about here is sexual regulation, as opposed to control. Control means that I can stop myself from ejaculating too quickly. Regulating means that I can ejaculate when I want to. When you learn to regulate your arousal, "how long will I last" becomes a non-issue. It changes to a matter of "how much do I want?" You might also be interested in our text on rapid ejaculation.
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Question No. 40375 from 11.11.2025
My boyfriend constantly criticizes me about my son. He says I'm too lax in my parenting. He says I let the son's father walk all over me.
Somehow, I always end up caught in the mixdle. If the biological father bails on me, I immediately get into trouble with my boyfriend because I didn't arrange things properly.
I know that I don't do everything perfectly and that I should demand more from my son. My boyfriend complains about that too. It's as if he observes everything that isn't going well and then rubs it in my face. This makes me very tense.
I give what I can, but he makes me feel like it's never enough. This isn't not good for my self-confidence – which isn't really good anyway.
I've told him that his constant criticism isn't good for me, but he doesn't seem to care. He says that this is just the way he is. He says that this is because he felt oppressed in his previous relationship.
I don't know if it makes sense to stay in this relationship. I feel dependent and helpless, and I'm not happy. How can I talk to him about it so that he understands? He gets offended very quickly, and it's difficult to express myself and make myself understood.
Our Answer
You say that your self-confidence isn't really good. This could explain why you allow your boyfriend to constantly criticize you. A more self-confident woman would have given her boyfriend an ultimatum and demanded clear rules for how they interact with each other. And if her boyfriend hadn't complied, continually, she would probably have ended the relationship. The question is: Why isn't your self-confidence really good? What's the story behind that?
From the way you describe your boyfriend, he takes little responsibility for his behavior. You write that he felt oppressed in his previous relationship, and you feel the effects of that. Take a closer look at that. If he felt oppressed, he had the choice to continue to allow himself to be oppressed or not. He could have also had a constructive discussion with his wife to find out why he felt so oppressed and what her problems with him were. He could have confronted himself and seen what his contribution was to feeling oppressed. He didn't do that. And now he's taking it out on you. First it was his ex-partner's “fault” and now it's yours. That's how it sounds to me when you describe it that way. It sounds like a man who doesn't really take responsibility for his life situation and his behavior – but shifts it onto others.
You write that it is difficult to talk about things with your boyfriend because he is easily offended. Being offended can be a form of manipulation: we sulk and want to make the other person feel uncomfortable. This inhibits the other person and they may not confront us next time. (I write “we” because I believe that everyone can react with offense and that everyone can also exhibit manipulative behavior). Acting like this is the opposite of taking responsibility. From your description of your boyfriend, he really doesn't seem to take responsibility.
We can only move forward in life if we take responsibility for our life situations and our behavior. Only then can we do something to change our situation. Otherwise, we see ourselves as helpless victims. And that really doesn't feel good. I would also like to invite you to take responsibility. You write that you feel dependent and at his mercy. I recommend that you don't give your boyfriend the responsibility for this, but take responsibility yourself.
Ask yourself these questions: What is your part in the difficulty of the relationship? Why do you feel dependent and at his mercy? If you are not materially dependent on your boyfriend, then it is a matter of emotional dependence. How did this come about? What is your contribution to the situation reaching this point? As an adult woman with equal rights, you are not at the mercy of your boyfriend either. Again, this is an emotional issue. How did it come about? What was your contribution? What can you do to feel less at the mercy of others and less dependent?
Taking responsibility also means looking out for yourself when your partner treats you badly: if he reacts like he's offended, you could say something like, “I'm telling you this now, even though you're probably going to be offended. Because it needs to be said. It's important to me that you listen to me. Because I'm really struggling here, and I want you to behave differently towards me.” And then you tell him what you want. He needs to know how he should behave in a given situationm, even if he may not like to hear it.
Taking responsibility also means that, if necessary, you accept the consequences and end the relationship if you see that he is not willing to change his behavior towards you.
If you are unable to move forward on your own, you could probably profit from consulting a counselor or therapist. As a single mother in two difficult relationships with men, you are in a very challenging situation. I would really recommend that you find someone to help you become more confident and independent, so that you can stand up to the men in your life and become a proud woman and mother.
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Question No. 40374 from 11.11.2025
I have a problem. I had a Ureaplasma parvum infection, and a yeast infection. And now I'm scared that I might get infected again, using the public toilet. A friend told me that this is possible. Is it possible?
Our Answer
Unfortunately, this fear of infection in public toilets was wrongly spread at some point. There is hardly any truth to it, but it has been causing a lot of stress in the minds of many women for years.
Especially with the two germs you mentioned: In yeast infections and Ureaplasma parvum, the problem practically never comes from “outside.” Rather, these are germs that normally colonize the female genitalia. So women naturally carry these germs, just like many other bacteria and viruses that are often very useful to us, such as lactic acid bacteria.
The idea that we humans are “germ-free” and that any germs can harm us is completely wrong. This excessive fear of germs has led many people to use excessive amounts of disinfectant on their bodies or on surfaces that we might come into contact with. Over the last few years, this has caused us problems by promoting the development of resistant and therefore dangerous germs and an increase in allergies. We should come to terms with the fact that our bodies consist largely of bacteria and viruses, which we urgently need for our healthy survival.
But of course, it is important to distinguish between good, helpful germs and those that can actually harm us. Certain germs are referred to as facultative pathogens. This means that with these germs, it depends on how many are present in a given location and whether they are in balance with the rest of the flora. Symptoms of disease only occur under certain conditions. Fungi and ureaplasma are among the facultative pathogenic germs. They normally live in small numbers in the normal vaginal flora. But certain conditions can cause theem to multiply rapidly and lead to inflammation of the skin, which can cause itching and redness. Treatment is then required to reduce the number of germs to such an extent that they return to normal levels in the balanced vaginal flora.
Back to public toilets: when using a public toilet normally, there is no need to worry about the transmission of germs, especially genital germs. The only important thing is to wash your hands after using the toilet, especially after a bowel movement. However, this is more about not passing germs from the stool to others via your hands when wiping. So always wash your hands thoroughly with soap and water after using the toilet. And also wash them before – so your touch your private parts with clean hands.
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Question No. 40373 from 11.11.2025
Hello. Is it normal not to reach orgasm during masturbation? I tried yesterday and again today, and it didn't work on either day. It always worked fine before... Did I put too much pressure on myself? I was close, but the final spark was missing, and today I thought it had to work again... I feel like I'm still aroused ... Is this normal? Or is something wrong with me?
Our Answer
It is normal that you do not reach orgasm when masturbating in some situations. There are many things that can feed your sexual arousal. And there are many things that can interfere with sexual arousal. That is why you may reach orgasm in certain situations and not in others. You always need enough fuel and as little disruption as possible. Do you know what feed your sexual arousal and what disrupts it?
It's also normal to feel as if the sexual arousal is still there. It just couldn't be released in orgasm. That's not a big deal. This happens every day with all kinds of tensions, for example when we feel like crying and don't cry, or when we could scream with rage and don't. We carry all kinds of tension around with us and at some point we release it in one way or another.
Everything is fine with you. You could observe with curiosity when you reach orgasm and when you don't. This way you will learn more and more about what feeds your sexual arousal and what interferes with it.
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Question No. 40372 from 11.11.2025
I always cry after sex. I feel really desperate then. It happens right after orgasm. I experienced violence as a child. Could that be related? Sometimes, images of it pop up after sex (not during sex). It's very unpleasant, as you can imagine, because I can't really enjoy sex for fear of what will be afterwards.
Our Answer
Sexual arousal can be accompanied by quite high physical and emotional tension. Crying can be a form of emotional release after this tension. The question is: Why do some people cry and others laugh? Why are some people happy and others sad after sex? I can't give you a blanket answer to that question. There are various possible influencing factors:
From a sex therapy perspective, the technique of sexual arousal can play a role. Take a look at your arousal technique. If it involves a lot of muscle tension, that alone could be the reason why you fall into an emotional down afterwards. It is helpful to move as much as possible during sex, including your upper body. It is also helpful to breathe deeply. Movement and breathing help you to stay in a relaxed, positive, and calm emotional state.
From a trauma therapy perspective, these emotional states could also be flashbacks, i.e., emotional memories that come to the surface. You are familiar with flashbacks in the form of images of traumatic experiences in childhood. Flashbacks are memories in the form of images, feelings, or states that are evoked when we experience something that triggers them, or when we are in a physical or mental state that triggers them.
When it comes to traumatic experiences, we are either tense and filled with strong emotional experiences of fear, disgust, and the like, or limp with feelings of emptiness/powerlessness/hopelessness. Or something in between. We are certainly not relaxed and mobile. To help prevent flashbacks during sex, try to put yourself in a physical state during sexual arousal that is as different as possible from the state you were in at the time.
This is where trauma therapy and sex therapy come together: pay attention to your physical state during sex before such feelings or images catch up with you. What do you do that can trigger associations with grief and trauma in your body? What could you do to bring up associations with an active, self-confident, happy woman in your body? Perhaps you suspect that movement during sex will help you here too.
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Question No. 40371 from 11.11.2025
I know that If you have diarrhea several times a day, the pill is no longer effective. But the diarrhea has to be really watery, right? If I have diarrhea several times towards the end of my pill break or at the beginning of a new pack, my pill is no longer effective and there is a risk of pregnancy, right? Sperm can survive in the body for almost a week, so repeated diarrhea and the pill no longer being effective could lead to fertilization.
I am very afraid of this scenario, so I always pay close attention to what I eat. I avoid alcohol and fatty foods so that I don't get diarrhea. I'm so afraid about the pill not working. What do you suggest?
Our Answer
As you know yourself, your fear is playing tricks on you and painting horror scenarios. I'm not going to go into it because you know how the pill works and what is likely and what is unlikely. If I tried to refute any of your fears, your fear would find something new and explain to you why you are particularly at risk of getting pregnant. That won't help. The fact is: you are taking the pill correctly, you don't have diarrhea, you won't get pregnant this way, and YOU ARE AFRAID. And what's also good is that you have recognized that fear is the problem and not something else.
What I also gather is that you control yourself extremely. So you control exactly what you eat or drink. But as you yourself realize, this does not help with the fear. You cannot control the fear by controlling yourself or your food.
This means that fear is a powerful force that drives you to do all sorts of things. You do a lot and restrict yourself in order to contain it, but it always wins. This means that control is useless. I would recommend that you expose yourself to your fear and then make friends with it. It would be very helpful to focus on what you feel in your body. Thoughts are secondary. So do you feel pressure or tingling somewhere, or something else, when what you call fear occurs? And if so, where do you feel it? And can you let it grow, so that it takes up more space in your body? Here are some tips how you can calm yourself down.
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Question No. 40363 from 09.11.2025
Should you relax or squeeze your abdomen during and orgasm?
Our Answer
I would suggest: Try both and be curious what you experience.
Most people tense up with increasing sexual arousal. The relaxation follows once orgasm happened.
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Question No. 40272 from 21.10.2025
Hi,
I inserted one Cytotec tablet (200 µg Misoprostol) vaginally.
The first day of my last period was September 21.
So far, I haven’t started bleeding, and I’m not sure if that’s normal or if I should do something.
I can’t call hotlines because my phone is blocked for calls, so I’m writing here.
Can you please tell me if I should see a doctor or wait a bit longer?
Thank you so much for your help and understanding.
Our Answer
I’m afraid I don’t quite understand what your intention is with taking Cytotec (Misoprostol). Has a doctor prescribed Cytotec for you? Are you experiencing an unwanted pregnancy? I strongly advise you not to take Cytotec without a medical prescription. If you are seeking to terminate a pregnancy, please contact a gynecologist or a specialized counseling center.
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Question No. 40259 from 17.10.2025
My gf loves giving blowjobs and told me that all her previous partners have complimented her skills so much that she's proud of her bj skills. But, I have a very thick penis, and her bjs hurt coz her teeth scrapes on my penis. It hurts so bad that a few times I've asked her to stop, and have clearly told her that I can feel her teeth and its painful.
She loves to offer bjs, since it hurts, I politely decline and offer to do something else.
I can see her take it as a rejection, and get disappointed. Sometimes I get anxious to decline and just go with it.
I have always enjoyed bjs, and I never had this problem with my previous partners, I don't know what to do.
Do you have any advice/resource for me and/or my gf?
Since she's so proud of her skills, how do I share your advice/resource with her without her get offended or feel rejected?
Our Answer
Sex between two people is always like a game between two people. It has to be coordinated so that it is good, otherwise sex is unsatisfying for one or both parties, or, as in your case, even painful. You have to find out together what actually gives both of you pleasure and is fulfilling. Using sex to boost her ego is not exactly a sign of self-confidence. You sense this too, which is why you are afraid to bring it up. But you can't work on her self-confidence; she has to do that herself.
She hurts you and you don't want to experience pain during sex, which is perfectly legitimate and understandable. You have already told her several times that this kind of sex causes you pain and that you don't want it. But she continues to do it anyway. This is definitely not good, neither for you nor for your relationship, and in the long run it will probably kill your desire.
I would recommend that you talk to her about it again in a calm situation, i.e. not during sex, and also see what actually gives you both sexual pleasure together. If she doesn't want to talk about it and doesn't want to try anything else with you, then there's nothing you can do.
To put it bluntly, you can either endure all the pain until you can't take it anymore or your desire for her has disappeared, or you realize that she is more interested in creating an image of herself to cover up her lack of self-confidence than she is in you personally. In that case, you would have to ask yourself whether you want to be with someone like that.
But let's not assume the worst case scenario. Maybe you just need to explain to her in a quiet moment that you don't want to be in pain during sex and that you're looking forward to discovering things together that give you both sexual pleasure.
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Question No. 40256 from 16.10.2025
My gf wants to try modelling nude for an art studio. She wants to experience her body being desexualized and seen like a work of art rather than a sexual object. She asked me if I am ok with it.
Saying "Yes" is going to make me unhappy coz I already feel awkward about "live nudity", and I am very uncomfortable with my gf being naked in front of a room full of strangers while they sip wine and draw.
To be clear, I know this is a me-problem arising out of my conservative upbringing, and the shame I have with my own body from being molested & raped as a child.
Saying "No" is going to make me unhappy as well coz my gf also has a history of sexual abuse & rape, and this could be a healing experience for her. Moreover, on a broader moral point, her body, her choice.
I love her and I want what's best for her. But I also worry if this will bring up some uncomfortable feelings that can retraumatize her.
I'm exhausted working two jobs, and don't have the time/money for therapy.
I sincerely wish this topic never came up and we never were this position.
But here we are and any advice is welcome.
Our Answer
You are able to reflect very carefully about the situation. And you are able to mention your feelings and where these feelings might come from.
Feelings are one thing. And they can give you valuable information. Nevertheless, feelings are highly influenced by past experiences, such as the ones you mention.
To me, it looks like it’s too early just now to decide whether to go or not. It seems like an honest and curious conversation would be the first step.
You could explore with her what's going on inside you. Just as you have let us know, you can let her know. That allows her to empathize. And that could eventually lead to a creative solution that works for both of you and takes your past experiences into account.
You can also ask her questions rather than going with assumptions. For example: What is she doing to create safety for herself? What will you do as a couple if it brings up uncomfortable feelings in you? Will you meet right after the modelling or before? What will you do together? Could you imagine together how it could go well? And how it could go badly?
You can also let her know that you are very exhausted at the moment. Maybe it is helpful for you to choose a date for the modelling when you are also doing something pleasurable for yourself?
I think when you open up in this way, that topic coming up could be very valuable for you and your relationship.
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Question No. 40106 from 01.09.2025
When doing pelvic floor exercises or kegels, is it safe to do them with an erection?
Our Answer
Yes, of course you can do these exercises while you have an erection. You may also be interested in reading our text about pelvic floor exercises.
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Question No. 40085 from 27.08.2025
My wife and I engage in a couple of positions ( doggy-style, missionary, prone bone for examples), all of which allow me to control the pace and also to prevent an injury for both parties. My wife mentioned how she wanted to try being on top, and I shared that interest. However, my wife, upon penetration, would sort of lift up and land back down on my penis. There was a moment where a penile injury could have occurred and we stopped using this position. I love my wife and I know it's not her favorite position, but it's a position we still think about and I want try it again for her.
What do we need to do to make it safer and avoid a sort of jumping and falling type of stimulation?
Our Answer
As with all positions, you need to give yourself some time and try it out a few times. Only then will you know whether you really like it and whether this position is right for you.
If the penis does not leave the vagina completely in the position you have described, there can be no accidents that cause injury.
I notice three points in your description: firstly, you seem to have a great fear of injury and are therefore more concerned with controlling the situation than enjoying it. There is actually only a risk of injury if the penis hits the partner's perineum with a full erection and great force. Injuries of this kind can happen, but they are not common. The second thing I notice: You don't seem to have much confidence in your wife or trust that she won't hurt you. Why is that? The third point: I don't know if I've understood correctly, it sounds as if only one of the partners is active and the other lets things happen. To make your sex life even more enjoyable and interesting, it would be advisable for both partners to be active during intercourse.
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Question No. 40082 from 27.08.2025
So my friend made out with a guy. They were bothe fully clothed, she was sitting on top of him and his part was under hers. As he told her, he didnt cum or anything (maybe a dot of pre cum on his pants,could also have been water cous there was smth next to them) and she didnt get her period yet. Shes worried that shes pregnant but I told her its not possible. Can u pls help her out?
Our Answer
You are correct. If it happened exactly as you described she can't be pregnant.
For a pregnancy sperm needs to enter the vagina. This usually happens during intercourse.
There are many reasons why the period can be late. How many days has she been waiting for her period now?
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Question No. 40064 from 20.07.2025
Hi Lilli,
I am a man in my late 20s married to a woman of a similar age for about 4 months now. Our parents arranged our marriage and we knew each other just for a month before getting married. I was a bit hesitant to undergo an arranged marriage, but since my wife is a wonderful person, and I wanted to have a family someday anyways, I went with it.
Although our marriage was arranged, both of us have been in relationships before marriage and have had exciting sex lives.
We enjoy each other's company a lot and we can spend hours together just talking. We communicate well and we barely argue. Its like I have a new best friend.
My wife is head over heels for me, but, unfortunately, I am not able to see her as more than a friend.
Every time she says "I love you", I struggle to say it back. She thinks its coz I come from a family where emotions are not expressed freely. But I have not told her that I am having a difficult time loving her beyond platonic manner.
I apologized to her for not saying "I love you" as many times as her, but she assured me that she sees my love through my actions.
She has a high sex drive, and, she keeps telling me how irresistible I am to her. But sadly I don't feel the same despite her having a conventionally attractive body and my sex drive for the whole of our relationship has been almost non-existent.
To make her happy and fulfill her needs, I just focus on her pleasure, make her cum a few times with oral & fingers and end sex there coz honestly, sex feels like a chore.
We communicate about our sex life. I know that she would like to have sex more often but she says she doesn't care if we have sex just once a week. I have assured her that I will figure things out and fix it.
How do I see her as more than a friend? How do I become sexually attracted to her? How do I find that passion and excitement to have sex with her?
I want to do right by her, and its very unfair to her that she has been friendzoned by her own husband!
The last thing I want to do is to hurt her. Please help me out!
Our Answer
Let me start with a provocative statement: A penis likes to have sex because it enjoys entering a vagina. It doesn't care what woman is attached to the vagina. Or what she looks like.
Your best bet is to invest in the relationship between your penis and her vagina. And also your relationship with her vulva. This will make you desire her on a more genital level. In turn, she will become more attracted to you. Because of the pleasure you derive from that. Not desiring your partner as much as you would like to is an issue that many people have when they age or when their bodies change. In our sexual therapies, we find that a well-developed relationship between the genitalia helps a lot there.
So the first thing we recommend is that you invest in your relationship with your penis and in the desire for entering with your penis in the vagina. That makes the vagina more attractive to you. You could start by reading these tips on how you can practice alone for sexual intercourse. If your penis enjoys entering a vagina, it will naturally want to do so more often. Once you have learned to feel your penis well during intercourse, become aroused and enjoy it, you will feel more desire for sexual intercourse. You can read more about this topic in this text.
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