Here you’ll find questions to ask yourself if you’re wondering whether your relationship is good for you. Even if you answer just one question with YES, we recommend that you reach out for help.
Is this normal… or not?
You probably already know that physical, sexual, or emotional violence in a relationship is very harmful. In our text about domestic violence, we describe more precisely what this can look like. Please read it. But sometimes a relationship can seem fine on the surface while the harm is more subtle. You might be wondering whether everything that’s happening is actually normal. Here are some signs that your relationship might not be good for you:
Emotional and physical problems
- Do you spend a lot of time thinking or worrying about your partner and your relationship?
- Have you become more anxious, sad, or stressed since being with your partner?
- Are you suffering from physical symptoms like stomach pain, insomnia, or loss of appetite that started or worsened during your relationship?
- Have you developed binge eating or other emotional problems with food since being in the relationship, or have they gotten worse? What about drugs, medication, alcohol, or other substances?
- Are your school or work performances suffering because you’re constantly preoccupied with the relationship?
- Has your self-esteem decreased since you’ve been with your partner?
Stress and over-adaptation
- Do you have to adapt and constantly watch your behavior so your partner stays in a good mood? Do you notice that you can’t really be open or honest?
- Do you feel you need to stay cheerful, positive, and sexually active so your partner stays happy and you can avoid conflict?
- Do you often give in to your partner’s wishes, even when you don’t want to?
- Do you try hard to please your partner but still get criticized all the time?
- Do you feel responsible for keeping the peace in the relationship?
- Does your partner demand things from you that make you feel physically, sexually, or emotionally unsafe?
- Can you set boundaries and express your wishes around sex? Or does your partner pressure you when you do?
Isolation
- Have you given up or neglected friendships or personal goals because your partner doesn’t like them?
- Does your partner tell you that you only need the relationship and should put family, friends, or other relationships aside?
- Is your partner very jealous when you meet people who are important to you?
- Are you becoming less independent, more dependent on your partner?
- Does your partner use pressure or arguments to make you isolate yourself more and more?
Worry from others about you
- Are friends and relatives already worried and warning you about your partner?
- Do you find yourself making excuses for your partner’s behavior more and more often?
- Do you defend your partner in front of others, even though deep down you feel that the others might be right?
What should I do if the relationship is harmful?
Even if you answer just one question with YES, we strongly recommend that you get help. The more questions you answer with yes, the more harmful your relationship is likely to be. You can reach out to a local victim support service. On opferhilfe-schweiz.ch you can find links to counseling centers all over Switzerland. If you live in Germany, you can find counseling services through this link, and in Austria through this link. You’re also welcome to write to us first and describe your situation in the question box.