Domestic violence refers to violence between partners, ex-partners, or within families. Here you’ll learn about the different forms this violence can take.
What is domestic violence?
Domestic violence happens when someone uses or threatens violence against their partner, ex-partner, or family members. The people involved don’t have to live together – even though the word “domestic” suggests it. Domestic violence includes physical violence, sexual violence, controlling behavior, threats, coercion, malicious manipulation, and humiliation. Sometimes the violence is subtle and hidden. It can be deliberate and systematic, used to control and dominate you. But it can also occur spontaneously, in the heat of the moment.
Who are the victims and perpetrators?
Anyone can commit domestic violence, and anyone can become a victim. You might hear more often that men are physically violent. But women can be, too. Men simply reach out for help less often than women. When it comes to more subtle forms of violence, there’s no real gender difference. You also often hear about parents using violence against their children. However, it can also happen, that young people or adults attack their parents. Older people and those in need of care are particularly likely to be victims of violence. You can read more about violence by parents against children in this chapter.
How does violence in relationships look like?
Violence in relationships has many faces: from constant criticism to throwing a plate on the floor. Breaking up is often difficult, but it’s possible and worthwhile. Even a relationship without physical violence can harm you.
What exactly is physical violence?
Physical violence includes physical attacks such as hitting, pushing, kicking, shaking, choking, biting, or throwing objects. It also includes all attacks or threats with weapons, for example, if someone threatens you with a baseball bat or a knife.
What does psychological or emotional violence look like?
Feelings can also be deeply hurt through violence. You might be insulted, exposed, humiliated, put down, threatened, or coerced. If you have children, they might be used as a form of pressure. Your partner may even declare you insane. Emotional violence can also include slander and accusations out of jealousy. If your (ex-)partner lies in wait for you, follows you, watches you, harasses you or bombards you with unwanted letters, phone calls, messages and emails, this is called stalking. You may also be experiencing bullying, which is when someone tries to systematically break you down.
What to do about sexual violence?
Violent partners often also commit sexual violence. This text explains exactly what this involves. From there, you’ll also find links to advice and support on what you can do.
What does control as a form of violence look like?
Maybe someone is exercising systematic control over you. Your every movement and action is monitored. The controlling person dominates the relationship through rules, prohibitions, and punishments. If you disobey they respond with humiliation, threats, blackmail, or physical violence. In some families, one parent may exercise total control over one or more children. Sometimes, adolescent or adult children also control their parents completely.
What other forms of violence exist?
Your social life might be severely restricted. You’re monitored, isolated, or even locked in. This is called social violence. There’s also economic violence, where money is used to exert control. You might be deprived of money, exploited financially, forbidden to work, forced to work, or have your money stolen or extorted. A special form of domestic violence is forced marriage, or child marriage. In such cases, you are pressured into marriage even though it is your right to choose your own partner freely.