Sexuality: facts and tips / Tips on different sexual practices:

Is there one “right” way to go down on a woman? What do women usually like? How can I enjoy it more? What if it smells weird? Can I catch something?

What is cunnilingus?

Cunnilingus is the technical term for stimulating a woman’s genitals with your mouth. It’s oral sex performed on a woman. Some people just say “going down on her.” If you lick the area between the vagina and the anus, or the anus itself, that’s called anilingus. You can read more about that in our chapter "Anal sex: tips and dangers".

How do I do it “right”?

There’s no single right way or right place to stimulate a woman with your mouth. You can explore her whole body with your lips and tongue, and that includes her vulva. Oral sex can involve her labia, her clitoris, and the opening of her vagina. There’s no fixed order, and it doesn’t have to end with an orgasm. It can flow into other kinds of touch or switch back and forth. Let curiosity guide you. What can your mouth and tongue do together? 

From Venus Butterfly to 69 — what’s out there?

There are all kinds of names for different oral sex techniques. The “Venus Butterfly”, for example, mixes oral and manual stimulation. You might lick her clitoris while massaging her vagina with your fingers. In the 69 position, both partners give each other oral sex at the same time. Your head is at her genitals, hers is at yours. It’s called “69” because the numbers mirror each other upside down. We think it's fine that there are so many different names for sexual practices. However, we also believe that you should experiment with different variations of oral sex with your partners. If you wish, you can give them your own names.

What do women like most?

If someone tells you “women like it best when…,” you can be sure it’s not true. Every woman’s body is different, and every woman has her own preferences. Some love oral sex and orgasm most easily that way. Others find it awkward, uncomfortable, or even gross. Some know exactly how and where they like to be licked, others don’t know yet. Some are very picky, others like everything. Imagine you discovered something with your last partner. That doesn't mean it will necessarily be the same with your new partner. Every new partner is a new journey of discovery! So talk to her first. Ask how she feels about oral sex. And when you’re going down on her, pay attention to her reactions. If she tenses up, goes quiet, or pulls away, she’s probably not enjoying it. If she moans, moves with you, or pushes closer, she’s likely into it. Afterward, talk about what felt good and what you could do differently next time. See also our tips "Talking about sex is helpful and erotic".

What if I don’t want to do it?

Maybe the idea of going down on a woman feels strange, embarrassing, or even a bit gross. That’s okay. It probably just means you’re not familiar with it yet. We prefer things that are familiar to us. Start by getting to know a woman’s genitals with your hands. Touch her vulva gently. Look closely. Bring your face near so that you can smell her too. While you're doing this, don't grimace. Smile instead. Breathe deeply through your belly. Don't tense up, but move your body slightly. This will put you in a more open position and allow you to enjoy yourself more. It also helps to be comfortable with your own body. The more you like and accept your own genitals, the more open you’ll be toward your partner’s.

What if it smells or tastes weird?

Every vulva has its own natural scent. If you’re worried about cleanliness, you can agree to shower or rinse beforehand. Even if a woman's genitals are completely clean, you will still notice a smell. You may find that it smells sour or tastes salty. That’s normal. Vaginal discharge is acidic. If you’re in a longer relationship, you’ll notice the scent and taste change through her menstrual cycle. You might even taste a bit of blood sometimes. That could be from her period or spotting. If she’s healthy, there’s no harm in anything that naturally comes from her vagina, including menstrual blood. But if there’s a strong, fishy, or unusual smell, it could mean her vaginal flora is off balance or she has an infection.

How do I protect myself from sexually transmitted infections?

When you go down on a woman, you can reduce your risk of infection by using a dental dam, a thin latex or polyurethane sheet. Without one, you could catch gonorrhea, syphilis, hepatitis B, herpes (HSV), or HPV. Chlamydia can also be transmitted through oral sex, though that’s less common than through vaginal or anal sex. HIV transmission through oral sex is extremely rare and can only happen if she’s menstruating and menstrual blood enters your mouth. You can only get infected if your partner has a sexually transmitted infection.