Sexuality: facts and tips / Tips on different sexual practices:
Is there one “right” way to go down on a woman? What do women like most? How can I enjoy going down on a woman more? What if it smells strange? Can I catch a sexually transmitted infection?
What is cunnilingus?
Cunnilingus is the medical term for stimulating a woman’s genitals with the mouth. In other words, it is oral sex on a woman. Many people also say “going down on a woman.” If you lick the area between the vagina and the anus, or the anus itself, this is called anilingus. You can read more about this in our chapter "Anal sex: tips and dangers".
How do I do it “right”?
There is no one right way or one right place to stimulate a woman with your mouth. You can explore, kiss, and lick her whole body with your mouth and tongue. And you can do the same with her genitals. Oral sex on a woman can include the whole vulva: the labia, the clitoris, and the opening of the vagina. There is also no one right order. Going down on a woman does not have to end in orgasm. It can lead into other sexual activities or alternate with them. Let your curiosity guide you. What can you discover with your mouth and tongue?
From Venus Butterfly to 69 — what’s out there?
There are many sexual practices related to oral sex with creative names. In the “Venus Butterfly,” oral and manual stimulation happen at the same time. This means you use both your mouth and your hand. For example, you lick her clitoris while massaging her vagina with your finger. In the 69 position, you stimulate each other with your mouths at the same time. Your head is at her genitals, and hers is at yours. Why is it called “69”? Because the numbers 6 and 9 look like each other upside down. We think it’s perfectly okay that there are many names for many sexual practices. But we also think it’s nice when you discover your own variations of oral sex together with your partners. If you want, you can even make up your own private names for them.
What do women like most?
Let’s say you read somewhere: “Women like it most when…” You can be pretty sure that’s not true. Every woman’s body is different, and every woman likes different things. Some women love oral sex and reach orgasm most easily that way. Others find it embarrassing, unpleasant, or simply not appealing to you. Some women know exactly how and where they like to be licked. Others don’t know at all. Some are very picky, others enjoy almost everything. Imagine you discovered something with your last partner. That doesn’t mean it will be the same with your new partner. Every new partner is a new journey of discovery!
Talking is better than guessing
We recommend talking to the woman and asking her how she feels about oral sex. Maybe she’ll tell you that she doesn’t really like it. Maybe she loves oral sex and can tell you exactly how she likes it. Or maybe she feels unsure and doesn’t really know yet. When you go down on her, pay attention to how she reacts. Does she flinch, tense up, or go quiet? That’s more likely a sign that she isn’t enjoying it. If she moans and moves with pleasure, she’s probably enjoying it more. We also recommend talking afterward about what she liked. You can also ask what you could do differently. For both of you, it’s important to know: it’s okay if something didn’t feel good. First, oral sex is not everyone’s thing. And second, it’s also something that often gets better with practice. You might also be interested in our tips “Talking about sex is helpful and erotic”.
What if I don’t want to go down on a woman?
Like any other sexual activity, oral sex is a possibility, not a must. Maybe the idea of going down on a woman feels strange to you. You might find the thought uncomfortable, embarrassing, or even off-putting. That’s okay. Nobody should pressure you into doing it. Don’t let it unsettle you if you hear that “everyone likes it.” Your sexuality and your sexual needs are your own. Other people do not get to decide them for you.
Is it clean?
You and your partner can decide that she showers before sex or rinses her genitals with water. Washing with water is enough. Maybe you think that something so close to the anus or urethra can’t really be clean. Well, urine is generally clean. And the anus is clean too, if it is washed. The vagina itself contains fewer germs than the mouth, so in that sense it is actually cleaner. So when you kiss your partner, you come into contact with more germs than when your tongue is inside her vagina.
What does it smell and taste like?
Every vulva and every vagina has its own scent and taste, even when your partner’s genitals are completely clean. Maybe you notice that it smells sour or tastes a bit salty. That is completely normal. Vaginal discharge is acidic. Let’s say you are with her for a longer time. You may notice that her discharge changes throughout her menstrual cycle. Sometimes you may also taste a little blood. Maybe she is on her period, or maybe she has spotting. If the woman is healthy, then anything that naturally comes from her vagina is not harmful. This also applies to blood. But if her genitals smell fishy or very different than usual, her vaginal flora may be out of balance, or she may have an infection.
How can I enjoy it more?
If you notice that going down on a woman just isn’t really your thing, that’s okay. You don’t have to do it. But if you would like to enjoy it more, there are a few things you can try:
Maybe you don’t have much experience with oral sex yet. We usually like things that feel familiar to us. It can help to become more familiar with a woman’s genitals. Start with your hands. Touch her genitals. Explore them with your fingers. Take a close look at what you see. Bring your head close enough that you can also notice the scent. It can also help to become more familiar with your own genitals. The more comfortable you are with your own genitals, the more open you may feel toward your partner’s.
While you explore, try not to tense your face or make disgusted expressions. Tense facial muscles can make feelings of disgust more likely. Instead, we recommend smiling a little at the genitals. Smiling can change how we feel about what we see. Breathe deeply into your belly. Move your body slightly. You can also read our tips about movement. This can help you feel more open and enjoy things more.
It may also be that oral sex feels much more enjoyable when you are sexually aroused yourself. During sexual arousal, people often lose inhibitions and become more open to things that might otherwise feel unfamiliar or strange.
How can I protect myself from sexually transmitted infections?
When you go down on a woman, the following applies: if you do not use a dental dam, you can catch gonorrhea, syphilis, hepatitis B, herpes (HSV), and HPV. Chlamydia can also be transmitted through oral sex. However, this happens less often than through vaginal intercourse or anal sex. You can only get HIV through oral sex if the woman is on her period and menstrual blood enters your mouth. Of course, there is only a risk of infection if the woman has a sexually transmitted infection.