Sexuality: facts and tips / Tips for sexual intercourse (vaginal intercourse):

During petting, you can practice the pleasurable sensations of entering and receiving without the penis actually entering the vagina. Hands, mouths, and toys are all good for this.

Why is petting a good way to practice for vaginal sex?

Petting is generally a very exercise for vaginal intercourse. It doesn’t matter whether you’ve never had vaginal sex before, are with someone new, haven’t had sex for a long time, or if it simply hasn’t been working well. During petting, you become familiar with your partner’s genitals and their sexual arousal. You also learn to get aroused and to show yourself in the presence of another person. When you talk about what you feel and experience during petting, you practice speaking about sex. You can also try things you’ve already practiced on your own. If you have a vagina, you can practice taking something in. If you have a penis, you can practice penetrating.

Petting is also a good way to practice for anal sex. If you want to read more about that, see our text "How do I prepare for anal sex?".

Why use contraception during petting?

If a penis comes close to the vaginal opening, you should always use a condom. Pre-ejaculate may already be released, or ejaculation can occur. Petting is a good opportunity to practice using condoms, so you become familiar with them and they start to feel like a normal part of sex.

Why is communication so important?

You probably already know the answer. Talking helps avoid misunderstandings. You take care of yourself when you tell your partner what you want and what you don’t want, and that makes sex more enjoyable. We recommend that you both agree that orgasm is not the goal. When orgasm becomes the main goal of petting, it can create stress, and stress is not helpful for pleasurable sex. The idea here is to get familiar with your body, to feel more, to learn to enjoy, and to experience pleasure. You can find more communication tips in this text.

Tips for women and anyone with a vagina

If you want to have vaginal intercourse, the idea is to use your vagina to take in a penis, dildo, or similar toy and to become aroused by it. We talk about "receiving". Of course, the penis or dildo also goes into the vagina, but you are equally active, because your vagina is receiving it. We recommend that you keep imagining yourself as actively taking something in with your vagina. Pelvic movements can help you with that image. Moving your pelvic floor muscles also increases blood flow in the vagina, which makes sensations stronger. Here are some ideas for how to practice receiving with another person:

• If you like, ask your partner to explore your vagina with their finger. Pay close attention to what you feel, and notice if anything changes when you move your hips. We strongly recommend the exercises that help you feel more inside your vagina. You should definitely also do them on your own, because then nothing distracts you and you can focus on yourself. You can also try them with another person.
• Your partner can also explore your vaginal opening with their tongue and gently insert it. The tongue is moist and soft, which makes it a good way to practice receiving something with your vagina.
• During fellatio (when you stimulate a penis with your mouth), you can get familiar with your partner’s penis: how it looks, smells, and tastes. You can use your mouth to get used to the idea of receiving a penis.
• If you want, your partner can touch your vaginal opening with his penis. Over time, he can slowly insert it further, and you can gradually take him in. That way your vagina can get used to him step by step. You can do the same with a dildo, vibrator, or any other toy that can be inserted into the vagina.

Tips for men and anyone with a penis

During vaginal intercourse, you use your penis or a dildo to enter the vagina and become aroused by it. If you’ve never done that before, if your partner doesn’t want a penis in her vagina, or if it’s not working well, you can practice penetrating using your hand, tongue, or another object. We recommend experimenting with pelvic movements. When you move your pelvis back and forth, it’s easier to imagine what it’s like to enter with your penis. You can stimulate your penis with one hand, or your partner can do it, while you practice. Here are some ideas for how to practice with another person:

• You can “visit” the vagina with your finger. It helps to moisten it first with saliva, oil, or lubricant. How deep can you go? How does the vaginal wall feel? Does it feel the same everywhere? What kinds of touches does your partner enjoy? Ask her how things feel. She may feel a lot, or not so much. It takes practice. You can gently massage the vaginal walls as well. These tips might give you more ideas.
• When you explore your partner’s genitals with your tongue, you get to know them closely because you see them up close. How do they look? How do they smell? You can also go into the vaginal opening with your tongue. How does it taste? How does the discharge look?
• When your partner takes your penis into their mouth, you also experience what it feels like to be inside something warm and moist. The mouth and vagina feel quite similar.
• You can help your penis get used to the vagina by stroking it over the vulva and gently touching the vaginal opening. If you and your partner both want to, you can insert the penis a little, and then gradually more over time. You might also want to try this with a dildo or another toy. We recommend that you also practice penetrating when you’re alone. That way you won’t be distracted, and you can focus better on your own sensations.