Hi Lilli,
I am a man in my late 20s married to a woman of a similar age for about 4 months now. Our parents arranged our marriage and we knew each other just for a month before getting married. I was a bit hesitant to undergo an arranged marriage, but since my wife is a wonderful person, and I wanted to have a family someday anyways, I went with it.
Although our marriage was arranged, both of us have been in relationships before marriage and have had exciting sex lives.
We enjoy each other's company a lot and we can spend hours together just talking. We communicate well and we barely argue. Its like I have a new best friend.
My wife is head over heels for me, but, unfortunately, I am not able to see her as more than a friend.
Every time she says "I love you", I struggle to say it back. She thinks its coz I come from a family where emotions are not expressed freely. But I have not told her that I am having a difficult time loving her beyond platonic manner.
I apologized to her for not saying "I love you" as many times as her, but she assured me that she sees my love through my actions.
She has a high sex drive, and, she keeps telling me how irresistible I am to her. But sadly I don't feel the same despite her having a conventionally attractive body and my sex drive for the whole of our relationship has been almost non-existent.
To make her happy and fulfill her needs, I just focus on her pleasure, make her cum a few times with oral & fingers and end sex there coz honestly, sex feels like a chore.
We communicate about our sex life. I know that she would like to have sex more often but she says she doesn't care if we have sex just once a week. I have assured her that I will figure things out and fix it.
How do I see her as more than a friend? How do I become sexually attracted to her? How do I find that passion and excitement to have sex with her?
I want to do right by her, and its very unfair to her that she has been friendzoned by her own husband!
The last thing I want to do is to hurt her. Please help me out!
Unsere Antwort
Let me start with a provocative statement: A penis likes to have sex because it enjoys entering a vagina. It doesn't care what woman is attached to the vagina. Or what she looks like.
Your best bet is to invest in the relationship between your penis and her vagina. And also your relationship with her vulva. This will make you desire her on a more genital level. In turn, she will become more attracted to you. Because of the pleasure you derive from that. Not desiring your partner as much as you would like to is an issue that many people have when they age or when their bodies change. In our sexual therapies, we find that a well-developed relationship between the genitalia helps a lot there.
So the first thing we recommend is that you invest in your relationship with your penis and in the desire for entering with your penis in the vagina. That makes the vagina more attractive to you. You could start by reading these tips on how you can practice alone for sexual intercourse. If your penis enjoys entering a vagina, it will naturally want to do so more often. Once you have learned to feel your penis well during intercourse, become aroused and enjoy it, you will feel more desire for sexual intercourse. You can read more about this topic in this text.
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