My gf wants to try modelling nude for an art studio. She wants to experience her body being desexualized and seen like a work of art rather than a sexual object. She asked me if I am ok with it.
Saying "Yes" is going to make me unhappy coz I already feel awkward about "live nudity", and I am very uncomfortable with my gf being naked in front of a room full of strangers while they sip wine and draw.
To be clear, I know this is a me-problem arising out of my conservative upbringing, and the shame I have with my own body from being molested & raped as a child.
Saying "No" is going to make me unhappy as well coz my gf also has a history of sexual abuse & rape, and this could be a healing experience for her. Moreover, on a broader moral point, her body, her choice.
I love her and I want what's best for her. But I also worry if this will bring up some uncomfortable feelings that can retraumatize her.
I'm exhausted working two jobs, and don't have the time/money for therapy.
I sincerely wish this topic never came up and we never were this position.
But here we are and any advice is welcome.
Our Answer
You are able to reflect very carefully about the situation. And you are able to mention your feelings and where these feelings might come from.
Feelings are one thing. And they can give you valuable information. Nevertheless, feelings are highly influenced by past experiences, such as the ones you mention.
To me, it looks like it’s too early just now to decide whether to go or not. It seems like an honest and curious conversation would be the first step.
You could explore with her what's going on inside you. Just as you have let us know, you can let her know. That allows her to empathize. And that could eventually lead to a creative solution that works for both of you and takes your past experiences into account.
You can also ask her questions rather than going with assumptions. For example: What is she doing to create safety for herself? What will you do as a couple if it brings up uncomfortable feelings in you? Will you meet right after the modelling or before? What will you do together? Could you imagine together how it could go well? And how it could go badly?
You can also let her know that you are very exhausted at the moment. Maybe it is helpful for you to choose a date for the modelling when you are also doing something pleasurable for yourself?
I think when you open up in this way, that topic coming up could be very valuable for you and your relationship.
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