I have many questions. I’m a young man who has been used to masturbating for years, and recently I had my first sexual experience with a girl for whom it was also her first time. Everything was going well until penetration, when I had difficulty maintaining my erection. This led to my penis becoming soft, so the penetration didn’t happen properly. Her hymen tore a little, but not enough for full penetration.
Every time I put the condom back on, I lost my erection. Each time I tried to penetrate and it didn’t work, I would lose my erection again, probably because of stress. So I don’t know if this is a problem I have or if it’s just normal for things to be complicated. I couldn’t really find resources on the internet about this topic, even though no one is born with a guide for their first time.
So my question is: how can you have a good first penetration when both partners are consenting and just want to do things the right way? Also, do I have erectile problems? Could years of masturbation have caused damage, such as something like “death grip syndrome”?
Unsere Antwort
You're right, nobody is born with a guide for their first time. So what happened is normal. Take the combination of a totally new kind of stimulation for your penis in the vagina and the fact that your penis is probably not used to a condom, add the extra emotional charge – and, there, you have it. And, of course, your sexual arousal won't profit at all from anxiety about your erection.
Death grip sounds very harsh. It is true that many men have a pretty hard grip on their penis when they masturbate. Or they masturbate in another way that just doesn't at all feel like penetrating a vagina. For instance, they might only touch the glans of their penis and not the entire penis.
What you do during masturbation is something your penis and your brain learn to associate with arousal. It is quite common that vaginal intercourse feels different to whatever technique a man has learned and practiced for arousal during solosex. It's like having to speak a different language. Please read our text on sexual learning so you understand better what your issue is.
So the main issue here is that you never practiced penetrating a vagina before.
I recommend this text with tips on how to do precisely that. Keep in mind that, in your case, practicing with a condom is also very important. Practicing alone is something you should do several times a week. It's going to help your penis become more familiar with what it experiences during vaginal intercourse.
Of course you're still going to be nervous. A helpful idea is that, no, your first vaginal intercourse is not meant to work. It's helpful to be curious and open-minded and to tell yourself that it should work just about as well as dancing a dance you've never practiced before together. So beyond practicing alone, you can start practicing and exploring together. Please read these texts on first vaginal intercourse, and on more pleasure during vaginal intercourse.
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