I feel a lot of shame and anxiety around feeling desire and wanting to masturbate. It’s like obsessive fears around what triggered it, am I dirty, etc.
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So do I understand correctly that you would like to figure out how you can deal with these feelings of shame and anxiety better?
If so, there are two approaches to this issue. First, you need to understand that shame and anxiety need a certain "growth medium", so to speak. Whatever you do with your body will elevate or lower your level of anxiety or shame. In other words: In order to feel these emotions, you have to be tense to a certain degree. They don't show up so strongly in a relaxed body. I don't know anything about you, about your level of stress or tension. But I assume it would be helpful for you to look at that a little more closely. We have some articles that talk about these issues. Please go ahead and see if you find anything helpful in them:
Second, it would be interesting to know what exactly the thoughts are when you feel these emotions – i.e., what are you thinking, what thoughts do you asociate with desire and wanting to masturbate? You mentioned feeling dirty. What exactly do you mean by dirty? Who came up with this association of sex and dirty? When did you first feel that?
I assume that these feelings and thoughts have a history and a logic based on this history. If you were to show interest in this history, how did they come about? Maybe, as a child, you felt sexual needs; maybe you had fantasies and desires. And maybe where you grew up this wasn't appropriate deemed appropriate. Maybe you had negative experiences around desire and masturbation. I'm guessing here, please go ahead and do a little mental research into your past. It might help you get answers to your question.
Emotions have a purpose. Anxiety and shame are there to prevent us from experiencing or doing things that would be dangerous. Maybe in your case these emotions around sexual desire and masturbation have a history of trying to prevent you from being rejected and, bottom line, outcast?
Feel free to write us again and answer the questions that I posed in my answer. If you do, please don't forget to include the number of this question.
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