Dear Lilli,
My sexual life with my partner in 3 years is in a difficuly place. We have sex every Two weeks but not very satisfying. Both of us think this.
I have premature ejaculation (PE), which I have managed good in periods. However, it makes me nervous to initiate sex and very focused on having the control for the pace, positions etc. This makes me feel to be in somewhat control of a situation which is difficult. Of course my girlfriend thinks this is difficult, as it makes it hard for her sexual needs to be met, when i need to be “in charge”…
Secondly, I have only once been able to give her an orgasme, which was trough oral in the shower. Therefor, we have a vibrator, where she quickly can orgasm from. This is also somewhat an issue for us, as it puts pressure on both of us to see if it can happen without the vibrator. Therefore, when the vibrator is used it becomes somewhat a losing feeling for both of us.
Due to this, we find it difficult to enjoy sex and finding the fun and explorative sides of sex. This means that we have it fewer times than we want to. Luckily, we both want the same thing, just difficult how we get there, as there are some “contraints” due to my PE and my difficult i making her orgasm…
Unsere Antwort
I think the most important bit of input I can give you is one about sexual learning. Both of you are experiencing limitations in the learning steps you took so far in your sexual learning process. You find it difficult to control your arousal, and she finds it difficult to arouse herself by another means than a vibrator.
The good news is that you can learn new things, sexually – both of you. You can learn to control your arousal, and she can learn to arouse herself differently. I think it's a good idea that you both read some of the text that I am linking you to in this answer. These texts have links to more texts with tips in them. I recommend that you check out these tips, as well.
I come too quickly - what can I do?
Sexual arousal with vibrator or shower
How does sexual learning work?
Why – and how – should I practice for sex?
Maybe you will be inspired to go on a journey together, and each of you by themselves. Remember, practicing new things during sex requires practicing alone, as well.
If you have more questions, please write to us again. Don't forget to include the number of this question in your next question.
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