I always cry after sex. I feel really desperate then. It happens right after orgasm. I experienced violence as a child. Could that be related? Sometimes, images of it pop up after sex (not during sex). It's very unpleasant, as you can imagine, because I can't really enjoy sex for fear of what will be afterwards.
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Sexual arousal can be accompanied by quite high physical and emotional tension. Crying can be a form of emotional release after this tension. The question is: Why do some people cry and others laugh? Why are some people happy and others sad after sex? I can't give you a blanket answer to that question. There are various possible influencing factors:
From a sex therapy perspective, the technique of sexual arousal can play a role. Take a look at your arousal technique. If it involves a lot of muscle tension, that alone could be the reason why you fall into an emotional down afterwards. It is helpful to move as much as possible during sex, including your upper body. It is also helpful to breathe deeply. Movement and breathing help you to stay in a relaxed, positive, and calm emotional state.
From a trauma therapy perspective, these emotional states could also be flashbacks, i.e., emotional memories that come to the surface. You are familiar with flashbacks in the form of images of traumatic experiences in childhood. Flashbacks are memories in the form of images, feelings, or states that are evoked when we experience something that triggers them, or when we are in a physical or mental state that triggers them.
When it comes to traumatic experiences, we are either tense and filled with strong emotional experiences of fear, disgust, and the like, or limp with feelings of emptiness/powerlessness/hopelessness. Or something in between. We are certainly not relaxed and mobile. To help prevent flashbacks during sex, try to put yourself in a physical state during sexual arousal that is as different as possible from the state you were in at the time.
This is where trauma therapy and sex therapy come together: pay attention to your physical state during sex before such feelings or images catch up with you. What do you do that can trigger associations with grief and trauma in your body? What could you do to bring up associations with an active, self-confident, happy woman in your body? Perhaps you suspect that movement during sex will help you here too.
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